Friday, November 20, 2009

Obama /Oprah 2012!!

Oprah is going to retire from her show in 2011 so she can spend more time with Gayle's family.

She sent me a list of things she is thinking of doing after retirement:

Take the show on tour; Oprah on Ice!

She is also planning on moving to Florida...and buying it.

Then she will write a fraudulent Memoir that she will endorse in her book club, and then she will release statements saying she was duped again by the author, herself.

Oprah will possibly use her vast sums of money to go into the crime-fighting industry like Bruce Wayne.


Saturday, November 14, 2009

On Snot, Skiing, and Swine Flu...

"Your nose runs in the cold for a reason" I read several years ago. According to Inuit tribes in the freezing far North; that If you simply blow your nose into your hands and rub them around you will have warm hands.Yeah, seriously!
I have yet to try this technique.
I can't bring myself to forgo the bandana and launch my hands into my own snot-rocket. Excuse me but Eeewwww. I may have to save that technique for an extreme emergency bivouc, although the idea of hollowing out a Texan and spending the night inside of him seems much more palatable than moisturizing with a farmer's blow.

Skiing and snot seem synonymous. The bandana has been a skiing fashion staple, I believe, for this very reason. Unfortunately in these days of the pandemic flu a bandana on a snowboarder has to be treated like a bio-hazard. Take note germaphobes, skiing may not be the sport for you. Although the nice thing about winter mittens is that they hide rubber gloves nicely. Speaking of gloves; don't put the back of mine under one of those crime-lab flourescent lights either.

I guess if my nose didn't run I wouldn't have anything to do on the chairlift. The guy next to me is too busy with his iPod or cell-phone anyway, so conversation is out. So it's just me and my bandana. Sometimes I make a little puppet out of the bandana and talk to him, that usually insures that i'll be riding even more single than I already am. Regardless, the red rag comes out every trip up the hill. my own personal nose-flag flapping in the breeze. Maybe I should just start carrying some of those tibetan prayer bandanas then I could just leave them behind in the trees with all the others when I'm done. Karmic Kleenex...I like it.

The other backcountry bio-hazard that seems not only tolerated, but somewhate revered, is the powder-day snot-sickle. Come on...who hasn't snapped a picture of one? Like an unspoken horror hanging from your nose, the frozen stalagtite sways and moves with every word captivating the viewer in a hypnotic trance of awe mixed with nausua. It's even better when it freezes to the bandana trapping it to your face, turning the bandana into somekind of medevil iron maiden mask.There's something about growing the biggest one too, they become a competition. I swear if people could, they would mount up their snot-sickles up like bowling trophies.

Hopefully someone will invent the disposable bandana, an alternative to the dust-mask, people could wear them cowboy fashion and at the end of the day just toss them away. It might catch on in the cities; it's much cooler to wallk around with an Outlaw Josey Wales bandana over your mouth than one of those surgeon things.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Happy 40th Birthday to Sesame Street!

Happy Birthday Sesame Street

If it wasn't for Sesame Street we'd all be playing with a "Tickle-me-Barney" doll.

Big Bird out this season with the Bird-Flu.

New Muppet character introduced for the 40th season; "Katie the Cougar"

Burt and Ernie are now married, which is nice.

Oscar the Grouch gets a new show on Fox News...much less crying then the Glenn Beck muppet.

Michelle Obama will be on the season premier with her White House Garden explaining "the joys of watching things grow" the National Debt?!
She will be bringing her Obama Muppet that she got elected to be the president.