Obama /Oprah 2012!!

Oprah is going to retire from her show in 2011 so she can spend more time with Gayle's family.

She sent me a list of things she is thinking of doing after retirement:

Take the show on tour; Oprah on Ice!

She is also planning on moving to Florida...and buying it.

Then she will write a fraudulent Memoir that she will endorse in her book club, and then she will release statements saying she was duped again by the author, herself.

Oprah will possibly use her vast sums of money to go into the crime-fighting industry like Bruce Wayne.



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On Snot, Skiing, and Swine Flu...

"Your nose runs in the cold for a reason" I read several years ago. According to Inuit tribes in the freezing far North; that If you simply blow your nose into your hands and rub them around you will have warm hands.Yeah, seriously!
I have yet to try this technique.
I can't bring myself to forgo the bandana and launch my hands into my own snot-rocket. Excuse me but Eeewwww. I may have to save that technique for an extreme emergency bivouc, although the idea of hollowing out a Texan and spending the night inside of him seems much more palatable than moisturizing with a farmer's blow.

Skiing and snot seem synonymous. The bandana has been a skiing fashion staple, I believe, for this very reason. Unfortunately in these days of the pandemic flu a bandana on a snowboarder has to be treated like a bio-hazard. Take note germaphobes, skiing may not be the sport for you. Although the nice thing about winter mittens is that they hide rubber gloves nicely. Speaking of gloves; don't put the back of mine under one of those crime-lab flourescent lights either.

I guess if my nose didn't run I wouldn't have anything to do on the chairlift. The guy next to me is too busy with his iPod or cell-phone anyway, so conversation is out. So it's just me and my bandana. Sometimes I make a little puppet out of the bandana and talk to him, that usually insures that i'll be riding even more single than I already am. Regardless, the red rag comes out every trip up the hill. my own personal nose-flag flapping in the breeze. Maybe I should just start carrying some of those tibetan prayer bandanas then I could just leave them behind in the trees with all the others when I'm done. Karmic Kleenex...I like it.

The other backcountry bio-hazard that seems not only tolerated, but somewhate revered, is the powder-day snot-sickle. Come on...who hasn't snapped a picture of one? Like an unspoken horror hanging from your nose, the frozen stalagtite sways and moves with every word captivating the viewer in a hypnotic trance of awe mixed with nausua. It's even better when it freezes to the bandana trapping it to your face, turning the bandana into somekind of medevil iron maiden mask.There's something about growing the biggest one too, they become a competition. I swear if people could, they would mount up their snot-sickles up like bowling trophies.

Hopefully someone will invent the disposable bandana, an alternative to the dust-mask, people could wear them cowboy fashion and at the end of the day just toss them away. It might catch on in the cities; it's much cooler to wallk around with an Outlaw Josey Wales bandana over your mouth than one of those surgeon things.

Happy 40th Birthday to Sesame Street!

Happy Birthday Sesame Street

If it wasn't for Sesame Street we'd all be playing with a "Tickle-me-Barney" doll.

Big Bird out this season with the Bird-Flu.

New Muppet character introduced for the 40th season; "Katie the Cougar"

Burt and Ernie are now married, which is nice.

Oscar the Grouch gets a new show on Fox News...much less crying then the Glenn Beck muppet.

Michelle Obama will be on the season premier with her White House Garden explaining "the joys of watching things grow"....like the National Debt?!
She will be bringing her Obama Muppet that she got elected to be the president.

My Life in the News:

As I was looking through some old albums I realize I have a complete documentation of my life as seen through newspaper photographers.

So for Archival purposes and also for shameless self-promotion I present my entire life as depicted in the newpapers.

It all started with winning a talent show as an 8 year-old with my ventriloquist puppet.

Ventriloquism, Mime and then Juggling...you will see a theme here.

Click on Picture to see full version!






At 15 years old I made my Brother and Sister perform a mime act with me. Here's my brother Bruce and I getting some press in Austin: They got my name wrong...




In Austin, Texas, A juggler finally:



One morning I woke up and found my picture on the front page of the Galveston paper:

My Life in the news: Elroy Bondo years

Little Scotty Bondo and my partner Russ Bondo;
We spent a lot of time in the parks around Denver practicing our juggling...photographers were always snapping pics of us:

Click on Pic to see whole thing!

I was the AP photo of the day here, Someone from Grand Junction sent me this:






Not a newspaper picture...but pretty cool...here they named a sandwich after us.










Not a newspaper...This is from Denver Magazine:




Sometimes I just got my picture taken for just being in the right place at the right time...here I was just shopping around on my rollerblades...

My Life in the News: Lake Tahoe and Breckenridge.

On my own in Lake Tahoe, I enjoyed a nice long six-year run at the Horizon Casino.


Of all the pics and articles put in the paper this is one of my favorites. My Dad came out to visit and I had the interview scheduled as he was there. The writer used my Dad as the angle for the story. I framed this and gave it to my Dad on a Father's Day.










I Can't stay away from the Renn Faires, Still in Lake Tahoe.



Here they used my picture to decorate the map.




Most recently...from my local paper The Summit Daily in Breckenridge, Colorado



Sometimes, instead of a caption, they write a whole article about you.



I am the official "gaper" poster boy


Still at it after all these years...

Don't buy these "Scam-i-Flu" Products:

FDA warns against fruadulent swine-flu products.

Other "Swine-flu" products to avoid:

Tamiflu Daquiri happy hours.
The Official Zamfir Pandemic Flute.
Solar powered swine-flu detectors.
Flu-B-Gone.
Rubber-Snuggies.

Some other fraudulent products you should be aware of:

The Ballon-Boy Locator; It's a GPS for your child...but all it ever says is "He's in the attic."

Socialist Test Kit; Doesn't work...but is paid for by people who do.

Gingko Obama Herbal supplements.
It will improve circulation...of your paycheck.



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Obama's List of "Haters:"

Obama has Nixon era "Enemies List"

Fox News
Mom Jeans
Fox Coats
Cell Phone Robo-Calls (You know even the President of the United States must get these)
Fox Hunting
Rush Limbaugh...and just to be safe all of the St Louis Rams too.
The Burger King (We are all kinda freaked out by him)
David Frost...(Must be leftover from Nixon's list)




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Croc-Zoo and Wedding Chapel; What Happens in Vegas...

$40 Million Steve Irwin Crocodile Zoo to be Vegas Attraction!
LINK

Vegas is the one location that is as far away from stingrays as geographically possible.

Waiting for the second show of Terri Irwin Wrasslin' crocs topless!

Some possible names:
Siegfreid and Bindi!
Steve Irwin's $4.99 All-You-Can-Wrestle Buffet
Cirque du Stingreil

182 Words For Snow.

I have recently heard many people say to me after a discussion of skiing; “You know the Eskimo’s have ____(Insert any number) words for snow and the English language has only a few…” I decided to research this assertion, as it seemed to me to maybe be a myth.

After some google searches and some e-mail to Inuit language and cultural sites I have learned some interesting things.
First, to be properly correct the term is “INUIT” and not “ESKIMO”. Even the term “Inuit” does not cover all the indigenous people found in the northern latitudes. It is a very rich, fascinating and diverse culture with many languages and dialects. There are some very talented and learned people who are trying to preserve these cultures and languages all over the world. I post this not to take anything away from their culture but instead to dispel any stereotypes that we may be inadvertently perpetuating.

Secondly, it [b]IS[/b] a myth that the inutitut (or Inuktitut) language has many words for snow. They really only have a few base words for snow. Their language, like ours, depends on the use of qualifiers, prepositions and adjectives surrounding the word “snow” to describe the various conditions encountered in a snow and ice environment.

The general word for snow in inutitut is “APUT” or “APUTI” (and is a popular romantic name for someone who has been born in the winter) Recently drifted snow is “AKEOLRAL” or “PERKSERTOK”. The verb “to snow” is “GANIK.”

One reason for the perpetuation of this myth is from journalists who jump on this inaccuracy to help make a humorous point. This trend can be found in an interesting list compiled by linguist Mark Liberman . He documents this myth from articles he has found that lists the number of words the Inuit allegedly have for snow from 20 to 100 words. ([url]http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~pullum/eskimo_quotes.html[/url])

So lets bust this myth and remind people that backcountry snow enthusiasts have many more words for snow than anybody!

Below is OUR vocabulary list that skiers and riders use at any given time to describe the snow around where we live and play. I have compiled 94 words/phrases from several sources (99 if you include the above Inuit words): Telemark Tips message forums (of course,) Weather.com glossary of meteorological terms, and Snow Sense- avalanche primer, as well as from my own observations in my daily conversations with skier-types. There are several words/phrases for the same type of snow condition, some foreign words that have entered popular lexicon, local colloquialisms, and a bunch of snow-science terms that are used when describing avalanche and snowpack conditions. My only criteria was that is a solid or near solid - water-based substance or condition that a person can access or travel across.

If you have any additions I would love to include them. I would like to get the list to 200 or more. If for no other particular reason other than to be able to respond to the myth about “Eskimo words” with: “Skiers have 200 words for snow - whereas the Inuit’s actually have just a few.” Of course this is not a competition, any person from any culture will generally have around a dozen personal words for snow-like conditions. But skiers and riders have a bigger personal snow vocabulary than most anyone for sure!

1. POWDER
2. CHAMPAIGN POWDER
3. PACKED POWDER
4. CARDBOARD POWDER
5. LOUD POWDER
6. COLDSMOKE POWDER
7. CONSOLIDATED COLD POWDER
8. DRY POWDER
9. SPRING POWDER
10. BLOWER POWDER
11. STELLAR POWDER
12. FLUFFY POWDER
13. FEATHER POWDER
14. NECTAR OF THE GODS
15. KOOTENAY GOLD
16. WHITE GOLD
17. BUTTER LOVE
18. POWDAH!
19. POW-POW
20. POW
21. SNORKEL SNOW
22. LE POUD
23. POUF DEVILLE
24. FRESHIES
25. PILLOWS
26. SILK
27. FAIRY DUST
28. CHALK
29. CHOWDER
30. CHUNDER
31. CORDUROY
32. ON-PISTE
33. OFF-PISTE
34. GROOMERS
35. MAN-MADE SNOW
36. MACHINE GROOMED GRANULAR
37. NATURAL SNOW
38. STOPGO SNOW
39. SUGAR SNOW
40. EGO SNOW
41. BONER SNOW
42. SCHMOO
43. SCHNEE
44. ELMERS
45. STYROFOAM
46. CREAMY
47. GLAZED
48. CAKE FLOUR
49. BRULEE
50. OATMEAL
51. MUSHROOMS
52. SOUR CREAM
53. SHAVING CREAM
54. COTTAGE CHEESE
55. CREAMY BUTTER
56. SPONGE CAKE
57. SLURPEE
58. SHERBET
59. MASHED POTATOES
60. MERINGUE
61. HARDPACK
62. BOILER PLATE
63. RUTT PLATE
64. BULLETPROOF
65. PORCELAIN
66. ICE
67. CLEAR ICE
68. BLACK ICE
69. BLUE ICE
70. ICE LENSE
71. NEW SNOW
72. OLD SNOW
73. LOOSE SNOW
74. WET SNOW
75. MOIST SNOW
76. ROTTEN SNOW
77. MANK
78. CRUD
79. BABYHEADS
80. FROZEN CHICKEN HEADS
81. DEATH CANTALOPES
82. DEATH COOKIES
83. MORTALITY BISCUITS
84. CORAL REEF
85. SIERRA CEMENT
86. CASCADE CONCRETE
87. DINNER PLATE CRUST
88. DEATH CRUST
89. WIND CRUST
90. KILLER CRUST
91. BREAKABLE CRUST
92. FACETED CRUST
93. RAIN CRUST
94. SUN CRUST
95. FURROWED CRUST
96. DUST ON CRUST
97. MELT-FREEZE CRUSTS
98. RADIATION RECRYSTALLIZED CRUSTS
99. NEAR WET LAYER CRUSTS
100. WIND PACK
101. WIND AFFECTED
102. WIND DEPOSITED
103. SPINDRIFT
104. RUNNELED
105. HARD SLAB
106. SOFT SLAB
107. WET SLAB
108. VARIABLE
109. CHOPPED / CHOP
110. CHUNKY
111. STICKY
112. BOOTABLE
113. GOOD PACKING
114. QUARRYABLE
115. SPARKLY
116. FIRM
117. SNOT
118. ELEPHANT SNOT
119. PENETENTES
120. SASTRUGI
121. PINWHEELS
122. FIRN
123. FIRNSPIEGEL
124. SLUSH
125. SLOP
126. GLOP
127. GLIT (GLOP+SHIT)
128. GRAUPEL
129. CHOSS
130. SLEET
131. HAIL
132. FROZEN RAIN
133. ICE PELLETS
134. BLOWING SNOW
135. HORIZONTAL SNOW
136. DRIFTING SNOW
137. LAKE EFFECT SNOW
138. ROLLED SNOW
139. THUNDER SNOW
140. UNMETAMORPHOSED NEW SNOW
141. ERASER SNOW
142. REFRIGERATOR SNOW
143. YELLOW SNOW
144. PINK SNOW
145. BROWN SNOW
146. SPRING CORN
147. DRY CORN
148. HOLLOW CORN
149. HERO CORN
150. SLOUGH / SLUFF
151. GRANULAR
152. FROZEN GRANULAR
153. CRYSTALINE
154. BOTTOMLESS MUSH
155. SUN-CUPS
156. SUN BLASTED
157. WIND DEPOSIT
158. SURFACE HOAR
159. DEPTH HOAR
160. HOAR FROST
161. NEAR SURFACE FACETS
162. INTERMEDIATE FACETS
163. ADVANCED FACETS
164. NEAR WET LAYER FACETS
165. NEAR CRUST FACETS
166. SHARP EDGE CRYSTALS
167. FACETED GRAINS
168. ROUNDED GRAINS
169. WET GRAINS
170. CUPPED GRAINS
171. STELLARS
172. SPATIAL DENDRITES
173. NEEDLES
174. CAPPED COLUMNS
175. HEXAGONAL PLATES
176. SQUARES
177. RIME
178. CONSOLIDATED SNOWPACK
179. TENDER SNOWPACK
180. AVALANCHE DEBRIS
181. NEVE
182. APATI

Did I miss any?

If you name your dog or first-born “Aputi” as a result of this post - let me know!

Particles From the Future Take advantage of Cheap Flights, Travel Back in Time to Sabatoge Large Hadron Collider:

Link

The LHC is a 9 brazillion dollar chemistry set that sends particles through an 18 mile loop to crash into each other; Basically NASCAR for protrons, and the scientists are the tail-gating rednecks watching from their RVs.

So everytime they try to create this "God-particle" Arnold Schwarzenegger keeps showing up naked.

This explains all the re-runs on TV.

What happens in the future stays in the future!

Maybe this explains why the Health Care Bill keeps stalling; Republicans from the future keep coming back to derail it...?


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Maria Shriver in Hot Water with California's Husband-nator.

BUSTED
TMZ has not one but two pics of First Lady Maria Shriver breaking California's controversial NO CELL PHONES WHILE DRIVING law.


What do you expect...she learned to drive from Uncle Ted.

"swift action" by Arnold usually involves an Uzi.

Most disturbing fact from this article: Arnold Schwarzenegger Twitters!!


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