It's So Cold...
Pine beetles are eating and killing toasters.
Hitchhikers on Loveland Pass are holding out pictures of thumbs.
The Salahi couple are crashing house fires.
Brittany is going out without wearing her long-underwear.
Polar bears seen buying snuggies.
Jessica Simpson now selling cream for goose-pimples.
The Heeney Family now begging for the electric chair.
George Michael now carrying around flannel condoms.
Richard Simmons is actually wearing pants.
Ted Williams head can go out on it's own.
Iran has been secretly enriching hot cocoa.
I had to salt the shower before I got in.
Kids can't illegally text while wearing mittens.
Rod Blagojevich is wearing three toupees.
GM is unveiling a hybrid zamboni.
Even the brass monkeys are buying hand warmers.
Every now and then I have to restart my heart by shouting "Mush."
No matter how cold it is, it is still warmer than Tiger Woods house right now.